Planning the roora day, for both families

Customs differ between families, clans and regions, and your own elders have the final word. This guide is about organising the day. For the payments and the order they come in, read Murudo’s guide, How lobola works in Zimbabwe.

What only the families can decide

Four things have to be settled before anyone books a car or buys a bag of rice.

• The date. Both families must be free, and the people who have to be there must be able to travel.
• The place. The day is held at the bride’s family home, in town or kumusha.
• Who speaks. The groom’s family chooses a go-between: the munyai in Shona, the umkhongi in isiNdebele. On the bride’s side her father’s family leads, and in Shona families the tete has a central part.
• What is expected. The go-between asks the bride’s family what they expect, and for the list of groceries. Get it early, and get it in writing.

If you are the groom’s family

• Choose the go-between early. You want someone patient, who knows the custom, and whom both families can respect.
• Agree who is travelling. Ask the go-between how many people should come.
• Decide together, before the day, what you can give on the day and what will follow later. Not everything has to be given at once.
• Have the money ready in the form her family asks for, and let the go-between tell you how to carry it.
• Buy everything on the grocery list, and the gifts for her parents, a week ahead. Tick the list as you go.
• Arrange the cars, and leave early. Some families fine the visitors for coming late.
• Ask what to wear. When in doubt, dress formally.
• If the groom is abroad, ask her family whether he may join by video call, and test the call the day before.

If you are the bride’s family

• Decide who sits in the talks and who welcomes the visitors.
• Give the list early and make it clear. A list that changes on the day starts the families off badly.
• Prepare the room: where each side sits, and what the family uses to receive what is given.
• Plan the food: who is cooking, for how many, and when it is served.
• Borrow or hire what the house does not have: chairs, pots, a tent if it may rain.
• Invite the relatives and friends who are coming to celebrate, and tell them what time to arrive. Our guide to invitation wording has an example for a roora day.
• Help the bride with her day: what she will wear, and whether she will change for the celebration.
• Ask the elders whether photographs may be taken during the talks, and choose one person to take them.

The week before

• Confirm the date and the time once more, through the go-between.
• Go through the list item by item.
• Confirm the drivers, and who is carrying the groceries.
• Count the money and put it where the go-between can reach it.
• Buy the food, and confirm the people who are cooking.
• Tell the guests where to park and what time to come.

On the day

• Arrive together and on time. The visitors wait to be welcomed in.
• Let the go-between speak. That is what he is there for, and the groom does not negotiate for himself.
• The bride is called in. She is asked, in front of both families, whether she knows these visitors and agrees.
• Write it down. Before anyone leaves, both sides should agree on a written note of what was given and what is still to come.
• Then celebrate. When the talks end, the food comes out and the guests join in.

Afterwards

• Thank the go-between, and the elders on both sides.
• Keep the written note safe, and agree when the rest will follow.
• Register the marriage. A customary marriage should be registered, so that both of you are protected.
• Start on the wedding, if there is one to come. Our wedding checklist takes it month by month.

Putting the day on your page

On Murudo Weddings the roora is an event of its own on your wedding page, with its date, time, place, dress code and directions, beside the church and the reception. Your checklist starts with the roora, and you can keep a record of what each relative has contributed. It is free to start.